Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has recently announced that he is joining the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints. “I have seen the error of my ways,” he is quoted as saying, “and am prepared to repent and become a productive member of society once again.”
He expects to have some trouble with the whole “family values”thing. “I had kids, and look how they turned out. Total wasters.” What truly prompted his conversion was the realization that “they have really cool buildings that haven’t been bombed.”
Hussein readily admits that he has a lot to learn. “A whole extra book! Good thing I’ve got a lot of spare time.”
He wishes he had learned about the Mormon practice of keeping a year’s worth of non–perishable food items on hand. “That would certainly have come in handy in my luxury Baghdad condo.” Hussein is also said to be quite keen on going door–to–door during his missionary service. “I think waking people up and annoying them is the least I can do.”
Hussein has engaged the folks from “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” to spruce up his image. “Mormon boys always look so perky. I like that.”
When told that Mormon missionaries reside in “safe houses”, a tear came to his eyes and he muttered something in Arabic.
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